Or, The Treatment.
A young con man thinks he's found the perfect angle on an aging reality TV show. He's right about almost everything. Except what he's won.
Tell me you are a sociopath in a reality show without telling me. Great beginning. I also loved what you did with Mia, I know Tyler is the one supposed to have the big twist and dramatic/karmic arc, but all in all she still wins.
Compared to Tyler, she does, although they kind of chewed her up and spit her out too. Thanks so much for your attentive read and your insightful comment. Really appreciate you taking the time to swing by The Faraday Room and sample the goods.
You’ve captured horror at its core with this one. Horror is a reflection of things - and you hold the mirror up and say “look, this could actually be happening.” Well done.
Wow, ok here are my thoughts. At first, the name Tyler, group therapy and some woman leading the whole thing, my mind filled with flashes of Fight Club. As I read further, hm, nice, main character is holding a lie in like a fart and I’m waiting for the bubble to burst. Then he’s crushing on Mia and I thought, hm, he’s fallen so fast for her, and why a normal guy would fall for a broken girl? But then, what they did to Mia was cruel, I think him realizing his feelings for free afterwards would be more heart wrenching . Cut to Your mom is a bad liar’ I bursted out laughing at that I don’t know why. At the end I really wanted to know what’s going to happen to Tyler and bam, phase two…reminds me of hunger games. I really loved it, it was surprisingly easy to read, great flow and by the end I’m on the edge of my seat, so you did really really well! That’s my honest review
Thanks very much for reading and for your thoughtful review. Yes, I wanted to establish the connection between Tyler and Mia fairly quickly for pacing reasons but maybe I overdid it. I’m glad it kept you guessing the whole way through and you cared enough about Tyler to want to know what was going to happen. Cheers!
the twist is signposted quite clearly and the mechanism has been used before and is quite familiar but you did it well.
the role of mia in making him more empathic and likeable plays well to us feeling sympathy for him and making his plight more tragic than karmic.
what didnt come through for me was his motivation to be there at all. if the "prize" was treatment that he didnt actually need...what was the point of him being there. this was the only thing that didnt ring quite right for me.
sinister medical antics is an excellent creeping horror meme to take advantage of. and of course i have done so myself! White Matter Disease is a 2 parter you might like.
the comoditisation of health care features in works by andy futuro and MP fitzgerald, both of whom I Iove and admire immensely! check them out.
a good engaging read... drew me right in. i lose attention quickly and DNF if a story doesnt bite quick. so yours bit well.
wanted it more grim and horrible...but thats just me 😄
Thanks Nick for the balanced and thoughtful feedback. Tyler’s motivation & how much of it to show was something I debated as I was writing, so your comment is very helpful there - when I revise for my collection I’ll probably add a few sentences to make this clearer (he wants the attention, saw an opportunity for the fame he feels he’s always deserved, he thought the treatments were fake & he could con his way out of any negative consequences).
Again, really grateful for you taking the time to read & leave a comprehensive comment. And for the encouragement. Cheers!
something good alwsys inspires me to say how it made me feel. if yr anything like me, feedback that says how your writing hit or missed is the gold you want. 😀
From the disclaimer alone, I already started feeling goosebumps and I wasn't even cold! It took me a bit to get that it was a reality show but once I did, I was hooked. Damn, Tyler was a player, and the player got played. Poor Mia. Poor everybody. It was good to show the health care system is diseased, mental health care all the more so! This story was disturbing, in a good way! You got to me again. Thanks.
Woah. This was seriously a gut punch. It reminds me in the best possible way of how the story plays out in A Scanner Darkly. Very powerful, effective writing that is, sadly, getting more and more believable.
Thanks very much for stopping by, reading and commenting. Yes it seems to me we're headed in this general direction, if not this particular one specifically. Philip Dick is a titan so that's a comparison I'm very happy with, although I don't think I've read or seen that one - something to add to the list. Cheers!
Always love to read what you put out, even if it takes me a little while to get to it.
But definitely do check out A Scanner Darkly if you have the time. From what I remember, it's a quick read. And the movie is also very well done—highly recommend both!
Brilliant. There are so many layers to this - stories within the story. It's so chilling, the way it all closes in on him in the end. And also it's strangely very believable. Truly gripping stuff!
Thanks for reading and commenting - I'm thrilled because that combination of being chilling but also plausible is what I'm always striving for. Really appreciate it.
I love this piece, one of the best I have read in a while, even though I am not a fan of the genre.
This felt less like a story about mental illness and more like a story about systems that turn suffering into something transactional. The idea that treatment is something you have to “perform” for is pretty disturbing.
Tyler thinking he’s gaming the system, only to be absorbed by it in the end, was the part that stuck with me.
What’s unsettling is that the system doesn’t break because of Tyler, it works exactly as intended. It just finds a way to use him too.
It seems like a warning about our own society and the way it lets us believe we are in control, a illusion meant to keep us in place. We are all just pawns in a game we cannot win.
Would love to read more like this, keep going! You have a very unique voice!
Thanks so much, what a generous and astute reading - I really do appreciate you taking the time to read it and leave such a thoughtful comment. I’m just getting started here, so it means a lot.
I’ll drop a couple of other links under your original thread for when you feel like reading another one.
I just read your piece on the Odyssey & gave my thoughts - I do think about some of those issues a fair bit, so I hope I don’t come across as argumentative.
You’re covering interesting territory in your publication, and I’ll definitely read some of your other pieces down the track. I only have four stories published so if you ever feel like reading another one there’s just a few to choose from. Cheers!
Not at all - glad it sparked our discussion. That's what is great about this place - we can build on each other's ideas. Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect on the piece. Look forward to continuing our exchanges.
Thanks so much. It's the sort of thing that our society could produce isn't it, if things keep going the way they are. Glad it had an effect on you, although sorry if it puts you off your dinner! I very much appreciate you taking the time to read and give such quotable feedback - thanks again.
Thanks so much, I appreciate your support very much.
I'm not that prolific, so if you ever get tired of waiting for a new one, feel free to check out the back catalogue - I think you might like The Reactor, if you haven't already read it. Cheers!
Thanks so much for reading and leaving a lovely comment. In my experience it’s rare for people who call for others to share their work to actually read what they get sent, so thanks for that too.
I’m a pretty slow writer and don’t publish to any schedule, so there may not be anything new for a while, but if you do feel like reading another one of mine here’s something from my back catalogue I think you might enjoy:
Tell me you are a sociopath in a reality show without telling me. Great beginning. I also loved what you did with Mia, I know Tyler is the one supposed to have the big twist and dramatic/karmic arc, but all in all she still wins.
Compared to Tyler, she does, although they kind of chewed her up and spit her out too. Thanks so much for your attentive read and your insightful comment. Really appreciate you taking the time to swing by The Faraday Room and sample the goods.
You’ve captured horror at its core with this one. Horror is a reflection of things - and you hold the mirror up and say “look, this could actually be happening.” Well done.
Wow, ok here are my thoughts. At first, the name Tyler, group therapy and some woman leading the whole thing, my mind filled with flashes of Fight Club. As I read further, hm, nice, main character is holding a lie in like a fart and I’m waiting for the bubble to burst. Then he’s crushing on Mia and I thought, hm, he’s fallen so fast for her, and why a normal guy would fall for a broken girl? But then, what they did to Mia was cruel, I think him realizing his feelings for free afterwards would be more heart wrenching . Cut to Your mom is a bad liar’ I bursted out laughing at that I don’t know why. At the end I really wanted to know what’s going to happen to Tyler and bam, phase two…reminds me of hunger games. I really loved it, it was surprisingly easy to read, great flow and by the end I’m on the edge of my seat, so you did really really well! That’s my honest review
Thanks very much for reading and for your thoughtful review. Yes, I wanted to establish the connection between Tyler and Mia fairly quickly for pacing reasons but maybe I overdid it. I’m glad it kept you guessing the whole way through and you cared enough about Tyler to want to know what was going to happen. Cheers!
A great story- loved it.
Thanks so much for reading, and for the comment, like and restack. I have one or two others like this if you’re ever in the mood for more. Cheers!
Good tight prose.
the twist is signposted quite clearly and the mechanism has been used before and is quite familiar but you did it well.
the role of mia in making him more empathic and likeable plays well to us feeling sympathy for him and making his plight more tragic than karmic.
what didnt come through for me was his motivation to be there at all. if the "prize" was treatment that he didnt actually need...what was the point of him being there. this was the only thing that didnt ring quite right for me.
sinister medical antics is an excellent creeping horror meme to take advantage of. and of course i have done so myself! White Matter Disease is a 2 parter you might like.
the comoditisation of health care features in works by andy futuro and MP fitzgerald, both of whom I Iove and admire immensely! check them out.
a good engaging read... drew me right in. i lose attention quickly and DNF if a story doesnt bite quick. so yours bit well.
wanted it more grim and horrible...but thats just me 😄
power to your pen!
Thanks Nick for the balanced and thoughtful feedback. Tyler’s motivation & how much of it to show was something I debated as I was writing, so your comment is very helpful there - when I revise for my collection I’ll probably add a few sentences to make this clearer (he wants the attention, saw an opportunity for the fame he feels he’s always deserved, he thought the treatments were fake & he could con his way out of any negative consequences).
Again, really grateful for you taking the time to read & leave a comprehensive comment. And for the encouragement. Cheers!
something good alwsys inspires me to say how it made me feel. if yr anything like me, feedback that says how your writing hit or missed is the gold you want. 😀
Absolutely - thanks again!
From the disclaimer alone, I already started feeling goosebumps and I wasn't even cold! It took me a bit to get that it was a reality show but once I did, I was hooked. Damn, Tyler was a player, and the player got played. Poor Mia. Poor everybody. It was good to show the health care system is diseased, mental health care all the more so! This story was disturbing, in a good way! You got to me again. Thanks.
Really appreciate you taking the time to read this and leave a comment. So glad you enjoyed it. If enjoyed is the right word.
My most recent one, "curious cats poke bears for the thrill of it." I'm sure you'd find it a fun read
Ok, I’m on it.
Woah. This was seriously a gut punch. It reminds me in the best possible way of how the story plays out in A Scanner Darkly. Very powerful, effective writing that is, sadly, getting more and more believable.
Thanks very much for stopping by, reading and commenting. Yes it seems to me we're headed in this general direction, if not this particular one specifically. Philip Dick is a titan so that's a comparison I'm very happy with, although I don't think I've read or seen that one - something to add to the list. Cheers!
Always love to read what you put out, even if it takes me a little while to get to it.
But definitely do check out A Scanner Darkly if you have the time. From what I remember, it's a quick read. And the movie is also very well done—highly recommend both!
Woah! Amazingly written
Thanks! If you liked this, you might like another one of mine: Churn Rate. Let me know if you want me to drop a link.
Yes please!
Here you go. Enjoy!
https://hammondjohns.substack.com/p/the-churn-rate
Thank you!!!
Just remembered there's some adult themes (and bad language) in this one, so no probs if you'd rather sit this one out.
Brilliant. There are so many layers to this - stories within the story. It's so chilling, the way it all closes in on him in the end. And also it's strangely very believable. Truly gripping stuff!
Thanks for reading and commenting - I'm thrilled because that combination of being chilling but also plausible is what I'm always striving for. Really appreciate it.
I love this piece, one of the best I have read in a while, even though I am not a fan of the genre.
This felt less like a story about mental illness and more like a story about systems that turn suffering into something transactional. The idea that treatment is something you have to “perform” for is pretty disturbing.
Tyler thinking he’s gaming the system, only to be absorbed by it in the end, was the part that stuck with me.
What’s unsettling is that the system doesn’t break because of Tyler, it works exactly as intended. It just finds a way to use him too.
It seems like a warning about our own society and the way it lets us believe we are in control, a illusion meant to keep us in place. We are all just pawns in a game we cannot win.
Would love to read more like this, keep going! You have a very unique voice!
Thanks so much, what a generous and astute reading - I really do appreciate you taking the time to read it and leave such a thoughtful comment. I’m just getting started here, so it means a lot.
I’ll drop a couple of other links under your original thread for when you feel like reading another one.
Yess, thanks.
This is a chilling, black-mirror-esque exploration of the commodification of trauma.
Great to have your voice on Substack. I have subscribed and look forward to reading more. I would love you to do the same, if my writing resonates.
Thanks for reading & commenting - I really appreciate it. I’ll check your stuff out soon.
You’re welcome - keep up the great work! Would love to hear your thoughts, if you did get an opportunity to read any of my writing.
I just read your piece on the Odyssey & gave my thoughts - I do think about some of those issues a fair bit, so I hope I don’t come across as argumentative.
You’re covering interesting territory in your publication, and I’ll definitely read some of your other pieces down the track. I only have four stories published so if you ever feel like reading another one there’s just a few to choose from. Cheers!
Not at all - glad it sparked our discussion. That's what is great about this place - we can build on each other's ideas. Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect on the piece. Look forward to continuing our exchanges.
Damn this was deep!
Got another sub!
Hey, thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it!
yeeeeeeeesh. Well done! *shudder*
Thanks? Seriously, though- appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
I hated it in the best way possible. It feels like something that could really happen and that's heartbreaking. I'll feel off for the rest of the day
Thanks so much. It's the sort of thing that our society could produce isn't it, if things keep going the way they are. Glad it had an effect on you, although sorry if it puts you off your dinner! I very much appreciate you taking the time to read and give such quotable feedback - thanks again.
Always a pleasure to read your works. Well, pleasure is a strong word for how uncomfortable your stories are, but I do enjoy them a lot!
Thanks so much, I appreciate your support very much.
I'm not that prolific, so if you ever get tired of waiting for a new one, feel free to check out the back catalogue - I think you might like The Reactor, if you haven't already read it. Cheers!
This is intense… really unsettling in a powerful way.
The ending especially gave chills—the shift in control is terrifying.
Just subscribed 😊 Looking forward to more 🤝✨
Thanks so much for reading and leaving a lovely comment. In my experience it’s rare for people who call for others to share their work to actually read what they get sent, so thanks for that too.
I’m a pretty slow writer and don’t publish to any schedule, so there may not be anything new for a while, but if you do feel like reading another one of mine here’s something from my back catalogue I think you might enjoy:
https://hammondjohns.substack.com/p/the-churn-rate