What an intense and honest poem. I love how you capture the struggle between desire, inspiration, and reality with language that is both sharp and melancholic. It feels deeply human and resonant.
This poem feels sharp, restless, and painfully honest. I really loved the way it reaches for beauty and the sublime while never pretending that the search is pure or graceful.
Even at my age, I’m still chasing the ‘ideal me’ without feeling embarrased. Reality never really goes the way I want it to, but I just keep going, trying, sometimes failing. And you know what? I still believe all that effort is worth it.
A meditation on the impossibility of attaining ideals.
Cruel and fleeting, we like how the rhyme scheme changes and seems to settle finally on a standard couplet, only becoming solid when the narrator becomes cynical.
There is obsession, desire, failure, fantasy, and reflection.
You're so very kind - what would I do without you? Only just realised that the formatting wasn't working properly (no line breaks between stanzas) which I think I've fixed after multiple attempts. I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and for leaving such a nice comment.
Thanks for commenting, and no need to apologse at all, I’m glad this piece stimulated some thoughts. You can think of beauty here in two ways. Firstly, quite literally as beauty itself: that ineffable, timeless quality we all want to capture in our work, in one way or another. And metaphorically, as an object of carnal desire, who taunts and teases, cruelly and carelessly - the more you ache for her, the more she ignores you. Eventually, you come realise that you can’t ever tame her, and you learn to be happy with whatever attention she’s willing to give you, if any.
What an intense and honest poem. I love how you capture the struggle between desire, inspiration, and reality with language that is both sharp and melancholic. It feels deeply human and resonant.
Thanks, I'm glad you found me. Yes, that's the struggle that we all go through to some extent or other.
Really appreciate you reading my poem & taking the time to comment. Cheers!
This poem feels sharp, restless, and painfully honest. I really loved the way it reaches for beauty and the sublime while never pretending that the search is pure or graceful.
Very kind of you. In a way, we’re all reaching, aren’t we? Thanks for reading and commenting!
Well done. You are much more refined, but I think we share similar writing styles
Thanks, I’ll make sure to check out your stuff.
“And every scrap of truth comes wrapped
In shit and dirt and useless crap.”
This is a great line.
Thanks - ironically that one came quickly, whereas most of the time I agonize and edit and re-edit, trying to find the jewels amongst the dross.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Love an ending that lands like this!
Thanks for reading and commenting!
I really liked the poem. It has a rhythm that invites you to dream.
Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment!
Even at my age, I’m still chasing the ‘ideal me’ without feeling embarrased. Reality never really goes the way I want it to, but I just keep going, trying, sometimes failing. And you know what? I still believe all that effort is worth it.
My favorite part is the shit and crap that calls it what it really is but "If I am myself, I will not be chosen." is 💔
Feverish.
A meditation on the impossibility of attaining ideals.
Cruel and fleeting, we like how the rhyme scheme changes and seems to settle finally on a standard couplet, only becoming solid when the narrator becomes cynical.
There is obsession, desire, failure, fantasy, and reflection.
Longing
And bitter acceptance.
Reading it was almost
Beautiful.
Thanks man for the careful read, like and comment, and for dropping by in the first place. Really appreciate it.
:)
This poem was truly sublime and I'll happily stand in line for more.
You're so very kind - what would I do without you? Only just realised that the formatting wasn't working properly (no line breaks between stanzas) which I think I've fixed after multiple attempts. I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and for leaving such a nice comment.
Thanks for commenting, and no need to apologse at all, I’m glad this piece stimulated some thoughts. You can think of beauty here in two ways. Firstly, quite literally as beauty itself: that ineffable, timeless quality we all want to capture in our work, in one way or another. And metaphorically, as an object of carnal desire, who taunts and teases, cruelly and carelessly - the more you ache for her, the more she ignores you. Eventually, you come realise that you can’t ever tame her, and you learn to be happy with whatever attention she’s willing to give you, if any.
Thanks for stopping by & reading it, and for taking the time to comment. Cheers!
Thanks - I appreciate you swinging by to read it and taking the time to comment.